Military School???

This was an actual conversation at my house last night as we talked about 'Back to School'...

Me:  When I was your ages I looked forward to going back to school because by the end of summer I was bored.

Live In #3:  (incredulous look) Did you have a boat?

Me:  No.

Live In #3: (horrified look) Did you have a DS?

Me:  No.

Live In #2:  I like school, but it is too long, when you get home from school you only have like 5 hours until bed time.

Life In #3:  Yeah, we basically get home for dinner and bed.

Live In #1:  (thinking she will help with perspective) Maybe you should send them to boarding school.

Live In #2: (not knowing what boarding school is, but thinking it sounded no good) Maybe you should send HER to Military school.

Live In #3:  Yeah, then they could shave her head.

The End.

10 Funny Things

I have been writing down things that get said around my house that make me laugh out loud, belly laugh, just plain laugh or chuckle. 

It has taken me awhile to compile the list - not for lack of material, but because of another little problem I have...  When I gave birth to my Live-Ins, my memory must have felt betrayed because it left me.  My memory and I were really good friends at one time, but I don't remember when that was...

Anyways, back to the writing things down...what was I saying???  Oh yes, the things that make me laugh...

1. One school morning I was out of bread and lunch meat to make lunches, but I did have hoagies and pepperoni.  So I improvised and made Live-In #1 a pepperoni sandwich on a hoagie roll.  When Live-In #1 got home from school she announced that when she opened her lunch she told her fiends "My mom must have been on a crazy pill this morning".  Good news, she loved the sandwich...
2. Same story from above with a slight tweak...Lover saw me making this sandwich and said "What are you trying to do, kill her?"  Bad news, she didn't get this sandwich again...
3. At a discussion about which of my Live-Ins would one day have children and which were going to remain childless because they will be too busy on the red carpet...Live-In #3 says very seriously "I think I will have three childs...one of my childs name might be Damon".  I don't know where this came from or that he had given it that much thought...
4. Live-In #2 had to stay home from school one day because I suspected he had an eye infection.  So on the way home from the doctor he announces to me "It looks like I have a villain eye...but instead of a green eye like the guy in Bolt (the movie), I have an evil red eye"...do I need to say anything more here?
5. One afternoon I took my kids to lunch at a BBQ joint.  My kids had the regular chicken fingers...but not me...we were at a BBQ and I love me some pulled pork.  I  ordered a pulled pork sandwich and wolfed it down in seconds.  Live-In #3 said to me "You ate that sandwich FAST Mommy" to which I replied "I take my pork sandwich seriously!" at this all three Live-In's went into a belly laugh and declared I needed to say that on my blog...so here you have it.
6. Randomly Live-In #2 announces to me "I think I know why sharks are mean" oh really...why? "they don't get any sleep"...seems logical to me!
7. We have established that Live-In #1 is claustrophobic...but she also told me that "she was so scared to come out the normal way that she 'did her business'"...lovely, looks to me like my daughter may have gotten some of her crassness from me.  She should use that on here Dad, he just loves it!
8. One day or maybe everyday...Live-In #1 was arguing with me...did you know she is always right, never wrong and practically perfect in every way?  No? Well I don't buy it either so I told her "If you want to argue, go find an app for that".  I don't think I impressed her but I enjoyed my own laugh.
9. Live-In #2 must have been studying animals in school because one day he came home and announced to me "I have a cat temperature"...ok, he hooked me...so of course I asked him why and his reply..."Because a cat temperature is between 98 and 102 and I have a 98 point something".  Hmmm, I wonder if he will let me pet him and all him George...
10. The other night we were out on our back patio when we all smelled skunk...the kids thought maybe we should go in, they didn't want to get sprayed, but after assuring them they were going to be ok, they settled in and my baby (Live-In #3) came over to sit next to me cause he knows mama will keep him safe...but then he starts passing gas and I say 'Ewww, go sit back in your own chair' to which he replies "I'm trying to lay out the gas so the skunk knows we are here"...can't fault that logic, but I still made him go sit in his own chair.

Claustrophobic

I have been working on a list of things that are said around my household that are random and make me laugh, chuckle or just smile.  However, Live-In #1 said something to me recently that can't just be listed but showcased...

Before you read any farther, for those of you who may not know this about me, I feel I must confess...I can be crass.  I like the shock factor of it.  When I was younger it was fun to shock my mom with it...it's the rebel in me (sorry mom)...

Now, sometimes I will shock my lover with it when I want to get the upper hand...he never knows what will come flying out of my mouth - keeps him on his toes!  I think it is the red pepper flake in our marriage...gives it a little spicy kick!

But, I digress...back to my story...

So the other day Live-In #1 and I were discussing her birth story.  I was reminding her of how she made me wait a week past her due date, how she refused to be born on our first induction attempt, how miserable I was, how my one and only desire was to hold my sweet baby girl in my arms...

Her favorite comeback to each of my woes is:  'Mom, I Couldn't Find the Light'.

But on this day we were going back and forth...she was giving it to me as good as I was giving it to her.  So the next time she said she couldn't find the light I decided to be crass and said: 'So You Decided to Crap in My Belly?'

She didn't miss a beat and quickly responded... 'See, I Told You I Was Claustrophobic!!!'

This was promptly followed by horror on her part...'Ewww, did I really do that?', but I was too busy laughing to answer her.